何为孝？
文章来源: 加猫 于 2004-03-18 16:16:49

家人年纪大了。希望我在身边照顾他们。我一人在国外，还没成家。家人对我在外面工作，学习精神上一直还算支持，但是也常常报怨说他们很可怜，没人在身边。说是经受着精神的折磨在担心我。现在又说赚钱又有什莫用。他们说：你在外面结了婚，成了家，又如何？一年顶多回国看望一次，没用。照顾不了他们。还说 ，就是有一天在外面赚钱成了百万富翁，找了合适的人成了家，有了孩子又如何？还不是一个人在国外？
有时还说享受不了我对他们的孝敬很可怜，如果也送不了终就更惨了。这些话让我好难过，我一时也没能力接他们过来。我回国的话就等于放弃一切。他们是这样，让我很是为难。现在他们对我的要求都是叫一声，就得回去，到身边去。如果以后在国内，我想他们更是离不开我。这样的话，我想回国我也成不了家了，他们要我天天在身边，他们的脾气也不好，有时大发雷霆教训人，也不管他们对不对。非要我全盘接受他们的不合理的想法。我想如果我成了家，对方恐怕难以接受吧。我都为此打算不恋爱嫁人了。等养了他们的老，再考虑我自己吧。他们从我小就教育我长大要孝顺，现在更是要我陪在身边，认为赚钱生活都不是重要的，可家里也没什莫钱。他们就要我认为粗茶淡饭的生活也很好，大谈国内一切大好。说你爬的高，摔的重。

我觉得很痛苦。家人老了，我不想负不孝的骂名。也不想放弃自己的幸福和前途。

他们对于我回国的看法是自己奋斗，不要要求高，能过就行了。一家人在一起就好。不过还说不要向他们报怨。

回复：何为孝？
文章来源: BJBlueCat 于 2004-03-18 17:20:46

Yeah all parents are like that especially the family with only one daughter. My suggestion: invite them over for a short period of time when conditions allow, when you are with them here, since the environment is completely new to them, you will be in charge. It’s the cycle of life, but you need to show them that it’s your turn to make the decision now. Also, try your best to help them financially, and when you go back, try your best to help them take care of things, like buying new furnitures, electric stuff, taking them out for dinner and traveling and giving them some money - when you do all these, be sure to act like you are the decision maker and don’t check with them too much. Little by little, they will get use to it. After all, they are your parents and love you a lot. Once they see how dependent and mature you really are, they will trust you and respect your decisions more. Just relax, as to the marriage, I believe that they want to see you find a trustworthy person. I think the main reason for their anxiety is that they still think you are a kid and want to protect you and cover you with their wings as much as possible, and that’s maybe why they want you to go back to China. Don’t stress it too much, dear sister, just relax, and do your best, and things will get better.

回复：何为孝？
文章来源: ceCAEREER3 于 2004-03-18 21:52:43

Most Chineses strongly believe that raising a child is similar to buy a stock. A kind of investment. They expect returns. Selfish?

If you live in the western country for a while, you will find it is quite different. You are not liable to support your parents; however you are liable to raise your kids until they reach their adulthood. If you work in a company, the medical and detanl insurance only cover you, your spouse and your children (under 21). So your parents are not even considered as your family member. They are adult. That’s it.

One more thing to mention. Should you die in China, your assests will be evenly distributed among your spouse, your parents and your children. However in the US, your spouse get it first, then your children, then your parents. See the difference.

Here we only take care our kids. that is it. simple. Raising kids is our responsibility by the law. Do you see any case that parents sue child for not taking care of them? Never.

何为孝? there is no 孝. Everyone thinks about his/herself. Selfish is the mature. Even your parents.

我是家里独子，现在我在美国自身难保，父母实在是
文章来源: 照顾不上了 于 2004-03-18 22:12:19

不是我不孝，我回国把爹娘脸都给丢了那才是最大的不孝。

所以我还是在这地方一年赚几万过过苦日子吧。上次父母来，我尽带二老开车去唐人街，黑人区兜风，看看美国的愁苦日子，所以我现在不回国，二老还以为欠我的，因为我在美国受罪。

真的，相信绝大多数的留学生和我一样，来美国其实没学什么东西，也没长什么能耐，在这里还能混混，回国和学校出来的新新人拼，要了我的命吧。所以什么留学生回国，根本就没什么孝敬啊什么回国发展的，如果专业对口，国内要的，早就抛妻弃子回国屁颠腐败去了，留在美国的，象我这样的，都半是没胆子回去。不过您要真是什么MIT博士象在美国当教授，偶也不好意思把您和偶们划在一起

不是儿子不孝，实在儿要先吃饭要紧。 我这人爱说实话，大家多原谅。

u need to marry first.
文章来源: pro 于 2004-03-19 06:40:33

they should be happy for you if you r well in usa.
ur first priority is to marry a successful man , once u have money, u can decide what to do next.

my parents said almost the identical thing to me. but when i bought them a multi-million(RMB) apt in shanghai, they r happier than ever. so $ can solve all problems.

Just go home for your parents
文章来源: ToBeGood 于 2004-03-19 20:07:04

If they need you badly, you must go home for them. Because you are their only child. At least for a while to see what happened in their life and to see what you can do for them. If nothing special, take time to persuade them to let you go. I believe your parents for sure understand your desire to know the world and they cannot take care your life forever. Eventually you have to live independently without them along with you.